What happens when a colleague calls you out on your whiteness - again?

I’ve been called out on how whiteness is playing out in me - again

A colleague has graciously shared the impact of my behaviour on her, and I’m grateful.

It also feels sh***

Shame

Exposure

Humiliation

Leading to fear and doubt

What does this mean for me as a leader, as a facilitator in the DEIB space, as a parent, as a human, if I can’t get this ‘right’ and if I keep messing up?! Should I even be doing this work?

My body goes into a threat response - fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

My thoughts spiral into thinking errors - catastrophiisng, emotional rationalising, false equivalence, exceptionalism.

I notice the familiar patterns.

The fragility, the meltdown, the perfectionism. Convincing myself that I *am* a good person and trying to find evidence to prove it.

Today I took a breath. I came back into my body. I took a walk, breathed in fresh air, listened to the birdsong.

I reminded myself that I’m not actually under threat.

That my discomfort is secondary to the harm I caused.

I focused on the feedback, and what I can learn and change. Where I can apologise. Where I can do better. Where I can heal and repair. Where I need to keep educating myself.

Over to you:

What happens to you when you’re called out / called in? What patterns do you notice? Do you know how whiteness shows up in you?

Let’s chat in the comments👇🏼

More in my book Change Makers a Woman’s Guide to Stepping Up without Burning Out Chapter 6 and in my UK Bookshop HERE you can browse curated collections of resources around whiteness, anti-racism, allyship and more.

xKaty